Ellen Heck's Broccoli Salad

Date: Sunday, August 1, 2010
Source: Feeding the Flock Resurrection Lutheran Church Cookbook C: 2000
Recipe to follow

...So, it's the weekend and we have another get-together, this time with friends and we need to bring a veggie salad. Ellen Heck's broccoli salad (That's my Grandma, Nani) would be just the thing. I had a bunch of broccoli already and most of the other ingredients on hand but I had to do a last minute grocery run for bacon bits (the highlight, and the reason to eat the broccoli), sliced almonds and red grapes. We stopped at the store on the way to their house since we were running late, big surprise, and finished prepping the salad at their house. Is that rude? Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the first time I've done something like that. Luckily, our friends are super-nice and we were looking forward to a fun evening.

While I was chopping vegetables, lil c went berserk in her high chair because we spent the day at Redmond Town Center mall. It was 4pm and she already wanted her Celtic easy listening station & a nice boob to put her in the mood for sleep. Yes, we have a Pandora Enya station that I play on my phone to lull both of us into submission every night. I finally chopped up everything for the salad, but had to have Jim make the dressing so that I could nurse lil c. I just planned to add the dressing when I got to our friends' house and added the ingredients. this recipe in my opinion makes too much dressing, so if you make this, add it slowly and see how much you want to use. It's very Midwest in it's proportions. I brought this salad to the party and everyone was nice about complimenting it - Our friends really spoiled us though! Pineapple & shrimp kebabs, marinated flank steak, grilled squash, leek mashed potatoes and a berry pie that I seriously considered smuggling the rest out in my purse. I am still sort of thinking about breaking into their house to do it...(just kidding...sort of...) The kids got special waffle treats and rocket berry pops (homemade - healthy) and I drank a glass of wine.

Here's what's remarkable about me drinking a glass of wine. I haven't had anything alchoholic since I found out I was pregnant with lil c. Oh, people want me to drink a glass and mellow out (Jim) but I haven't because the moment I do, I know I'll be needed to hit the ground running in some parental way and I'm afraid I won't be able to if I do. My tolerance (before the pregnancy) was about half a glass before I got annoying. With a whole glass, I just get really annoying and then cut to tired. There's probably some special alchemy formula for how much I can drink to my husband's benefit, but I'm old now. When I get all drinky and sing drag queen songs into a candelabra on top of a piano, it's just sad. After half a glass, my laughter usually changes from a giggle to a loud, hearty cackle and I talk twice as much in comparison to my normal Gemini-level talking. I also float out to topics that are random and sometimes inappropriate. In short, drinking does not reveal a very impressive 'me'.

The reason all this is slightly relevent (not to the broccoli salad - I've diverged waaaay off topic to the rest of the evening.) is why I decided to have the wine. Big C chose that same day to use a ballpoint pen to become a tagger all over the (leather) interior of our car. The damage is so extensive that we didn't know whether to laugh, cry or go on a rampage. We took away her lovey for the night, which was a pretty effective punishment for her and there was a lot of unintentional yelling when it was discovered - she may have heard an expletive or two. Anyway, by that night, I was READY for wine. However, I'm still nursing. I hear of moms who nurse and enjoy their wine by timeing it so that I wait 3 hours before I nursed again. Here's the thing: you don't count out the hours from the first sip of wine you take - you count it from the LAST sip. Which was an hour later. I drank with dinner, after all. I can't just chug it - plus, it was an excellent wine. I nursed the heck out of Charlotte beforehand and we fed her banana baby food with dinner, so she should be fine without milk for a little while, right? I never had wine when I was nursing Big C, so I'm a complete ameture. OF COURSE, about 45 minutes after last sip, lil C started screaming. Screaming, I tell you. I knew what she wanted. CRAP!! What do I do?? I never should have drank that glass of wine. Well, I nursed lil c via pull-out method (which doesn't work in any setting) for about 1/2 a minute and then quick switched it with a pacifier. THAT'S RIGHT. That's what I did. lil C fell asleep (of course - was she drunk?? She seemed normal. I kept feeling her head for a fever - like that's relevant. Did I mention I'm a totally neurotic mom?? This was complete hell for me!!) Plus, I'm trying to act all casual & cool in front of our kind hosts that let Sandra Dee have a glass of wine & now she was freaking out. That night, I checked on lil C a bunch of times - what was I looking for? To see if she became spontaneously retarded in her sleep?? I didn't even know.

Anyway, all's well - lil C is fine (of course - I spent the hours after she got to sleep surfing the Internet with the search criteria, "nursing, glass of wine" until I found someone who said something like, 'sober enough to drive, sober enough to nurse.' I don't know if that's true, but at least it let me get some sleep). All this is to say that I am not drinking again until lil C is one year old. I know that my one glass of wine isn't going to do anything to lil c from the 1/2 a drop of milk that she got after I drank it, but I'm just not clever enough to figure out how to do it. Plus, now I have a four-year old for a cover as to why I am belting out the musical Wicked into fake microphones at parties. Pinot Grigio, I'll miss you, but keep your chill on until I can get to ya!

Recipe:
* 1 bunch broccoli, cut up
* 1 c celery, chopped (I eyeballed it - about 2 stalks)
* 1/4 cup green onions, sliced (I sliced 2 green onions)
* "real" bacon bits (Ellen uses real bacon that she painstakingly fries herself, but I just use da bits you can buy premade. I used about 1/2 the package)
* 8 oz sliced almonds (also used about 1/2 an 8oz package)
* Red grapes, cut in half (Ellen's recipe also calls for green grapes, but I thought I had too much green in the salad already)
* Raisins (I used one box - the small kind you'd send with your kids' lunch. It was enough. Ellen's recipe called for Craisins, but I didn't have any on hand and they were too expensive to rationalize buying - add $5 onto this dish? for broccoli salad? I don't think so...)
* I also used the potato peeler to peel some carrot shavings & then cut them up - about one carrot - just for the color
* I also sprinkled some sunflower seeds onto the salad - just to jazz it up - sorry Nani!

Directions: Mix together and add dressing just before serving

Dressing: 1 cup mayo (not miracle whip), 1 T vinegar, 1/3 cup sugar - whisk together.